Friday, May 3, 2013

This thingie called "MARRIAGE"

Any literature on marriage speaks of marriage as an “institution”.

Institution?” I used to wonder. The word institution typically conjures images of a physical structure of concrete and steel which typically has a physical connotation, a “specific name”, a history to legacy to boast of and of course people.

So what does “Marriage” have in common with these?
Well most married couples live in houses made of concrete and steel (which are just as physical as you can possibly imagine) they call “Homes” (There are exceptions, but then that's a minority few) – Most of them usually co-habit in the same physical environment. They are supposed to live, love, care, share, laugh.

But sometimes (just sometimes), you don’t let each other live, you claim to hate each other (or say that love no longer exists), you hardly care for each other, you don’t share every little detail of your life; and also sometimes you laugh at the other.

At times, you also hurt each other at time. At times, you cry together, for each other or because of each other. At times, you give and sometimes you receive.

Majority married couples pro-create, and rear children who typically bear the family name and so their legacy continues. So much for the similarities!

We all know this in theoretical sense. I mean we’ve seen our grand-parents, parents, uncles & aunts, friends and just about everyone do it! 
But when it comes to you… Ah! Then MARRIAGE is Complicated!

Most of us go through the phases when we ask ourselves the following questions:
  • Am I ready for marriage?
  • Am I cut out for marriage?
  • When should I get married?
  • Will I be able to stay married forever?
  • What if we realize that we’re not made for each other?
  • What if I change and turn out to be something no one ever imagined?
  • What if he / she changes and turns out to be something I never imagined?

I don't know if you will every get the right and definitive answers for these questions, but here's what I do know as the first step for marriage
  • You should be willing to give it a try
  • You should be willing to live your life with him / her
  • You should be open to what would follow!
  • You should be willing to accept
  • You should be willing to share
  • You should be willing to trust
  • You should be willing to respect
  • You should be willing to agree even when you don't agree
  • You should be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work
  • You should be willing to make a fresh start everyday

I don't mean to exaggerate over here. But having been married for several years now, I can definitely say a few things about marriage
  • Marriage has 3 foundational pillars -  Trust, Respect and Openness. If even one of these pillars is weak, then the foundation of your marriage will become weak. And once there is a crack in the foundation, nothing can really re-strengthen it!
  • Marriage is a lot of HARD WORK every single day
  • Marriage is about sharing
  • Marriage is about caring
  • Marriage is about communication
  • Marriage is about managing expectations
  • Marriage is about living the highs and lows
  • Marriage is about accepting the good, bad and ugly
  • Marriage is about common dreams 
  • Marriage is about agreement on what's Right and Wrong
  • Marriage and Love - Now that's tough to write about.. but the meaning of Love changes through the journey of marriage and life. The expressions, the manifestations, the intensity - They all change. And you've got to acknowledge it, accept it and appreciate its many hues.
That's my view.. Would love to hear your views.. Leave a comment to let me know...

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