Sunday, September 22, 2013

FREEDOM at last..


And before I knew it, I had hit ‘Send’.

That 'Send' ended the ambiguity
That 'Send' concluded the dilemma and drama
That 'Send' made it crystal clear
That 'Send' made the decision final.. Carved in stone..
That 'Send' ended one chapter of life
That 'Send' opened a new chapter of life
That 'Send' changed everything


It had taken a long tiring day at work, meeting an ex-lover (probably my only real soul-mate), alcohol and the rain to make me heady and blurred in thought. That was the catalyst which propelled me to my Drafts. I re-read the message I had typed.. Probably several years back.
As always, the dilemma
"Send" OR "Not to Send"?
"Send" OR "Not to Send"?
"Send" OR "Not to Send"?
"Send" OR "Not to Send"?.. The thoughts zoomed by...
Finally "SEND" won!

It was becoming hard.. These last few days. Living this pseudo-life, faking it, pretending to care.. to love.. to be there. "How long I wondered? Just how long can we put on this act?". But yet, I never had the courage to break it off...After all, it was safe, secure, convenient, comfortable and the way we had always dreamt it to be - The setting, the set-up, the arrangement, the lifestyle... We had invested to build it to what it was - In time, In emotions, In efforts, In pain, In tears, In joys, In sweat, In blood, In highs and lows.... Through the good, bad and ugly

Yes! We knew each other for more than 20 years..
We were in love.. truly deeply madly
We were married for more than 15 years - against all odds
We have two lovely children
We had just about everything to call it the perfect life

And yet! And yet!

It was far from perfect
It was the epitome of imperfection
There was something missing in my life.
I could not put a finger on it
But I was NOT HAPPY


What did I need to be HAPPY? I asked myself on many a dark night
For years, I thought about this...
WHY did this feeling of emptiness grip me?
WHAT was the void?
Just WHY o WHY?

And then came my "Eureka" moment...
One fine day
When I looked at myself in the mirror
And I wondered whom I was looking at
Was it the wife?
Was it the mother?
Was it .....
Was it .....
Was it .....
Was it .....

 Where was I?

That day I started typing the note
Saved it in my Drafts
Over the days, there were may edits
And finally that day before I knew it, I hit "Send"
That "Send" was the pathway to my FREEDOM

And after I hit "Send"
I was liberated
from the constraints
from the commitments
from the compulsions
from the expectations
from the monotony
from the drudgery
from the worldly ways


Don't get me wrong
I still love my husband
And I still love my children
But the fact is that I LOVE MYSELF THE MOST!

And for now,
I had to move away
I had to move on
JUST FOR ME

Freedom they say comes at a price
And I was ready to pay this PRICE
And I was willing to pay this PRICE
And I was happy to pay this PRICE


This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

NOTE: This post is a work of fiction

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