Sunday, December 29, 2013

D for D-E-A....

It was a 4 AM call. I usually get flustered when the phone rings at that odd hour. From my life experience, I know that these calls are a signal of someone in real crisis or the news of demise. This time the call brought news of an uncle’s demise.

Someone who was dear to me and my family, and had stood by us through the highs and lows of life, especially at times when it made all the difference!

The next few hours were a flurry of activities – tears, shock, grief, sadness, questions, answers – on the How? Why? When?.. , informing others in the family about the news, and of course, getting ready to visit my uncle’s residence.

When we were enroute in the car, my daughter asked “Where are we going??”
So, I said “We are going to visit grandpa”
Next question (and rightly so) “Why?”
Honestly, I did not know how to answer that question.
I was silent. Still mulling out how to respond to that
“Because grandpa has become a STAR said my mother

That response was good enough to keep her quiet… at least for the moment.
When we reached my uncle’s residence, she asked “Mummy, everyone will be sad right? Should I cry?”
I was stumped. I am yet to figure why she said that.
“Yes, everyone will be sad. But you be normal and no mischief” is what I said
“Okay” was her response

When we reached my uncle’s residence, the environment and energy was low. Tears aplenty, Hushed tones, questions and answers, hugs and sympathies….She sensed it, and tried to be her somber best for a while.

After some time, she asked “How will he become a STAR?
Again, I did not know how to answer that…

Death and Sex are probably two of the most important aspects of human existence, and yet as individuals and parents many of us (especially in India) are so uncomfortable speaking about both of them, especially to children. Going down memory lane, I can’t recall ever being told about death or what it means. I have probably also never attended a funeral in my life, until there came a time when there was no option. And I was totally unprepared to handle everything that came along. Simply because I did not understand the deeper significance of loss, how to deal with it, what it means, how to react and how it can impact and affect my life. Trust me when I say this. Coming to terms with the death of someone dear to you is not easy – in any which way. And sharing the news of demise is equally hard.
So then, how do you explain the concept of “death” to a 3 – 4 year old? As adults / parents, how many of us really understand what “death” means and its significance?

As I conclude, I leave you with a few words
“For death is but a passing phase of Life;
A change of dress, a disrobing;
A birth into the unborn again;
A commencing where we ended;
A starting where we stopped to rest;
A crossroad of Eternity;
A giving up of something, to possess all things.
The end of the unreal, the beginning of the real.”
BY Edwin Leibfreed, “The Song of the Soul”

So some time, don’t shy away from explaining to your kids that D is for D-E-A-T-H… And for that, you probably need to understand it yourself. You’ve got to start somewhere, and sometime. May be, today?

Originally published here

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